Question by Anonymous: A poem for your thought?…Suggestions, Comments, Critism?…?
Background of poem: It’s just some random poem I composed. I was just thinking about friends of depressed, pressured people who “abuse” drugs and cut and how the friends really do care and stay by their side.
Anyway, here it is…(It’s a tad cliche/overrused…)
Why
I walked into the room,
My eyes widened
Seeing his limp, pale body
Next to a spilled bottle of pills
And a crisom-colored blade
He did it again,
Why couldn’t he just stop
My heart ached
I ran to his side,
And gripped his hand
Looking him in the eye, I asked
Why
He whispered in a small, raspy voice,
I’m sorry
Then we just stared,
My eyes, watering
I told him to hold on a little longer
I would go and get help
He shaked his head
He smiled at me with a small smile
I returned it with a sad one
But then he closed his eyes, mouthing
Bye
More and more tears rolled down my cheek
(More in additional details)
.
.
.
Aftermath
Why wouldn’t he wake up
I tried to shake him free
I yelled
For help
Nothing but silence answered
Frustrated,
I screamed
I sobbed
Struggling to wake him
I pounded my fists onto the ground,
Shaking my head,
Pouring drops of tears
After a while,
Is when I realized
It was hopeless,
He was gone,
He was really dead
…
Days pass
Weeks go by,
Yet I still cry
Even though, I knew he wasn’t coming back.
Best answer:
Answer by Seon-Hwa <3
I really like it. ^^ It’s creative, and goes out of the agnst-ridden emo-loving genre of many poems…
It should be “He shook his head,” not shaked.
Add your own answer in the comments!
A Poem for Your Thought?…Suggestions, Comments, Critism?…?
by reegmo
Question by Anonymous: A poem for your thought?…Suggestions, Comments, Critism?…?
Background of poem: It’s just some random poem I composed. I was just thinking about friends of depressed, pressured people who “abuse” drugs and cut and how the friends really do care and stay by their side.
Anyway, here it is…(It’s a tad cliche/overrused…)
Why
I walked into the room,
My eyes widened
Seeing his limp, pale body
Next to a spilled bottle of pills
And a crisom-colored blade
He did it again,
Why couldn’t he just stop
My heart ached
I ran to his side,
And gripped his hand
Looking him in the eye, I asked
Why
He whispered in a small, raspy voice,
I’m sorry
Then we just stared,
My eyes, watering
I told him to hold on a little longer
I would go and get help
He shaked his head
He smiled at me with a small smile
I returned it with a sad one
But then he closed his eyes, mouthing
Bye
More and more tears rolled down my cheek
(More in additional details)
.
.
.
Aftermath
Why wouldn’t he wake up
I tried to shake him free
I yelled
For help
Nothing but silence answered
Frustrated,
I screamed
I sobbed
Struggling to wake him
I pounded my fists onto the ground,
Shaking my head,
Pouring drops of tears
After a while,
Is when I realized
It was hopeless,
He was gone,
He was really dead
…
Days pass
Weeks go by,
Yet I still cry
Even though, I knew he wasn’t coming back.
Best answer:
Answer by Seon-Hwa <3
I really like it. ^^ It’s creative, and goes out of the agnst-ridden emo-loving genre of many poems…
It should be “He shook his head,” not shaked.
Add your own answer in the comments!