Drug Rehab for Women: I Hate My Bestfriend’s Boyfriend – but She Keeps Taking Him Back?
Question by AquariusGal: I hate my bestfriend’s boyfriend – but she keeps taking him back?
Hey
I’m 20, and my bestfriend (also my cousin) is 22. We have grown up together and been close friends since the day I was born. So, it’s hurting me alot to see her dating this guy who really does treat her, and their son, like ****.
She was 19 when she met him, and fell pregnant quickly, three months into the relationship. She was unsure of whether or not to keep the baby, but he convinced her to not abort saying “he would be there” and “she wouldn’t struggle” as he was willing to help. Of course, I too told her this, but I stuck to my word, where as he didn’t. I have been there since the day my godson was born, helping her raise the little one, and I see him on a regular basis (3-5 times a week) as well as having him sleep over at my house for a night every weekend. His father, however, turns up as and when he feels like it, sometimes not bothering to see him for months at a time. He doesn’t buy him anything, hardly has him over for the night, and generally, comes across as a man who doesn’t give a crap about his own child.
Now my best friend, she loves this guy. She is smitten, and in her eyes, he can do no wrong. She will get mad when they are separated (she has a habit of getting up the strength to leave him and then he will talk her round and she’ll be back to square one.) but then she always forgives him. It’s awkward as hell because she complains to me about the way he treats her and my godson, and then when they are together she expects me to just forget and be happy that she’s back with him.
But it isn’t just the whole half-assed father approach that is his bad points. He has cheated on her 6 times that she knows about (one time she rang him at the other womans house and asked why he hadn’t been to pick up his son “was it because he was shagging some slag” and he replied he didn’t give a **** and cared more about this other woman than he ever did about her / or her son). He drinks and does drugs whenever he has the money (cocaine) and becomes violent (not towards her or the kid YET – but I fear it could happen one day – he has got three assault charges under his belt, one including assaulting his own MOTHER – all when he was drunk)
He is arrogant, and talks badly about my bestfriend online and even to her face. She told me he once called her “a fat slag with stretchmarks” to her face, and online he refers to her via facebook as “his *****” and jokes with his friends that “he likes shagging other women” when she gets mad at him – he rubs it in her face that he has cheated and she STILL takes him back.
I cannot stand him. He tells her all these excuses that it was the drink, or he is sorry, or he was with his friends and they made him do it / he didn’t come see his son because he was in a bad place emotionally etc and I’m like – GET A GRIP. If he knows the drink causes the anger – go to rehab. If he knows his friends cause him to go out fighting – change aquaintances. This is what I try to tell her. It’s been three years, and he still doesn’t care.
He has it good – he can treat her how he likes and he knows all he has to do is snap his fingers and she’ll be back there waiting for him to come home.
ARGH!
I am running out of advice. I have told her everything and anything I can think of to try and get her to see him for what he really is, but I truly think that she believes he will change and I know she just wants to have a proper family for her and her son. But it will never happen, and she will continue to be let down and upset and it’s breaking my heart seeing her get treated like this.
Help please?
I’ve told her to dump him so many times I’ve lost count – she has low self esteem due to a past violent relationship – i truly believe she thinks that she wont find a better man – it’s hard work trying to change her mindset :(
Best answer:
Answer by Mic Hal
tell her to dump the loser and find a REAL man.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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