How Should I Talk to My Mom?

Question by Addie: How should I talk to my mom?
I’m 19. Most of the time I’m away at college, and live in my dorm. I go home about once a month (I’m not that far away from home).

Anyway, lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my mom. She doesn’t respect me. She doesn’t treat me like an adult, at all.

Every time I go home, she tells me that I’m wasting my time/money going to college. She’s said multiple times that she doesn’t approve of my major/minor. I would understand her having a say if she were paying for it, but she’s not. I get financial aid, and what that doesn’t cover, I pay for myself, with my own money.

I have a job working on campus, but she said that it’s “not a real job” and keeps asking me when I’m going to get “a real one.” Yeah, I don’t make a huge amount of money, but it’s a job. It pays for my basic necessities.

I consider myself a feminist. When I was home for winter break, she threatened to kick me out, because she doesn’t “approve of feminism.”

She always rants about how she doesn’t trust me. I’ve never done anything to lose her trust. I don’t drink, do drugs, or sleep around. I don’t lie to her. I get good grades and am well behaved.

When ever we get in an argument, she throws all of my insecurities in my face. And it really hurts. I’ve told her that, yet she continues to do it. Last argument, she threatened to call the cops on me, just because I pointed out that she was wrong about something.

Whenever my younger sister does something wrong, I get blamed for it. Even if I had nothing to do with it. Apparently I’m a “bad influence.”

I know I need to talk to her. I love her, but our relationship has major problems. I understand that she’s having problems with me growing up and becoming independent, but it’s not fair that she treats me like this. Whenever I try to calmly talk to her, she gets pissed off. How can I bring all of this up to her without her getting upset at me?
@sweiland75: Is she being irrational or is she just having a hard time dealing with the fact I’m growing up?
@Taurean: She doesn’t make a huge amount of money, but she’s financially stable.

Best answer:

Answer by sweiland75
You can’t rationalize with irrational people. Give her an ultimatum: Either she respects your choices or you will cut off contact with her.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!