College Paper Thesis Help Please ?

Question by Hi, My Name is Thomas: College Paper Thesis Help Please ?
Here is my thesis:

“In the short story “A Fear of Invisible Tribes,” the author Eric Puchner demonstrates how you cannot base your judgment of who someone on their past.”

im trying to say that the main character Quinn based her judgment of the other main character Deleany because of the stories she told of her past. How she stole things so she could pawn them and use the money for her drug addiction. But that was years ago, now Deleany is straight but when they go out to dinner the the money ends up missing to pay the bill Quinn blames Deleany when in fact her friend accident put it in his wallet by mistake. So can you pelase give me suggestions or examples on how to make my thesis more clear and basically i just want a good thesis. I’m tried of trying so hard on these college papers and just to get a lousy grade.

THANKS alot

Best answer:

Answer by escapedmelodies
First, I would write the thesis like this:

In the short story “A Fear of Invisible Tribes,” the author, Eric Puchner, demonstrates how a person cannot base his judgement of who someone is in terms of their past.”

You don’t want to use “you” in papers: to the reader, it sounds like you’re attacking them and that’s not what you want to do. Use words like “person” and “someone” when you’re talking about a human being.

If you’re having trouble, ask your professor for help! He or she will gladly help you out I’m sure. That’s what professors are there for, to help students succeed. And that’s the reason why they have office hours.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!