I Need Advice on What to Do Please? Long but I Need Advice?
okay i lived with my parents and i got into drugs and i got arrested a bunch and the last place i was is rehab and my parents didn’t want to deal with me anymore so they gave custitdy to my dads parents (i’m 16). and moved me from ohio to texas. i moved about every 2 to 3 years anyway but i still hate moving. so i have not done drugs in 5&a half months. my two bestfriends are named mary&drew and they have never done drugs besides one time drew tried to overdose on pills, but they got there act togeather and are great people and have helped me through alota shit and they don’t like me doing drugs and they live in illionis and yeah. well my grandmother told everybody they smoke weed but they dont and i cant get anybody to believe me cause i have lied so much. my geandmother also told everybody that my friend levi is my drug dealer but hes not but he does do drugs. i have no idea where she gets this from. she says i told her and i don’t think i did but i guess i might have but i don’t know why i would say that since its completly untrue and doesnt help me out any to lie about that. but thats whatever.
so i last night i fell asleep with my contacts in and in my clothes. no big deal you know people forget. she thinks i forget alot. its about once a week. so she said i should use a list. and i think ‘really how dumb is that’ and we got in a fight and my grandpa joined in and they told me they don’t think i’ve learned anything and i’m doing the same old things and i’m not making progress and i’m not working the 12 step program and i never talk to them.
and then they wouldnt let me call my parents. and i said eff something ad my grandpa grabbed my arm and it hurt but of course they said it didnt even though theres a bruies forming and then he let go and i slapped his arm and he grabbed mine again.
i eventually got him to let go but he swears he didnt hurt me but im now hoping at one of my counsealing sessions someone may ask what happened to my arm and i can be like, “oh my grandpa did that.” and then we’ll see how they feel. i know thats mean, but still.
and they toke me to my counsealers and they all put me on the spot and basically i felt like i was being attacked.
so my answers sucked to there questions so they decided i’m not doing anything in my recovery and im only doing this because they all want me to.
which i’m not. i mean sure sometimes i don’t want it but sometimes i do but most addicts are like that.
and they started making these hardcore rules and i called my dad and he basically said its not his problem sorry.
and i feel like my dads just sick of me but i know thats not true but thats how i feel.
and then theres the new rules:
wake up at 9. (i do online school and i dont have a job and they wont let me get a job because they think i’m behind in school. i disagree with this rule and would rather wake up at ten because i have nothing to do all day besides school which takes threeish hours and i can only do so much a day)
i cant have my phone. (so that means no friends from illionis or ohio or here, but i only have one kinda friend here anyway)
no myspace (so theres no way to contact anybody)
and follow all house rules (meaning eat meals, whatever. church, i hate that. AA meetings, fine. counsealing, fine. wake up and go to bed on good times, whatever.)
i think they forgot that i can get on y!a from my school computer so this is all i have left…
and i really don’t know what to do.
they toke away my best friends and even my parents trusted those two people. my grandparents have never met them or talked to them and my parents have and they know how much they mean to me.
and i’m even to scared to ask to call my mom because i think she might help me but i don’t think they’d let me call her.
and i’m not allowed to cry or i get yelled at and they say i force myself to cry because i want people to feel bad for me and thats just not true.
i kind of feel like i should do something bad and maybe my po would put me in foster care (he said thats what hed do next) and i know it sucks there but i can’t do this.
i kind of want to hurt myself ( i used to cut i know thats really dumb) but i know that if anyone found out they’d put me in the crazy house and it’d be even harder to contact my friends.
i just feel so lost and i just don’t know what to do.
and they said i may never get to go home.
:(
which is just awful because i have a six year old sister and shes like the world to me.
and i just feel so confussed.
like, i’m not even doing drugs! and its messing with my life still! like i kind of think i should just do drugs since there going to be messing with my life i might as well be on them when there doing that!
but i won’t i just don’t know what to do.