Impeccable Technique: Vegas Beyond Undefeated

Published June 2, 2010

“Far as lyrics go:

They rocking recitals

It won’t stop until I’m on top with the title

Hustling no stopping the cycle, I’m shopping for rifles

I’m not for the idols

Fuck the twin towers dog, we on top of the Eiffel

Like live Pisa Pisa, eating a piece of pizza

You cant be were I be dog, you need a visa

Come on cheeb of reefer

Please believe it, I will squeeze and leave ya

All bullets they will heat and seek ya

Harlem world I’m a swell my town

You a clown you can tell by now

That I’m, I’m ready, I’m ready we coming for the title”

-Excellent word play from Cam’ron on “I’m Ready” …..sick sample too.

People are always coming up and asking me, how do you go to Las Vegas and night after night swoop girls and stay Undefeated. Great question. Is it the textblasters and huge rolodex of beautiful girls? Sure. Thick Bankroll? Obviously. Great Genetics? Absolutely. A Playboy bloodline going back to the Original Don Juan in Spain? Bet your life on it.

Recently, I was reading some Las Vegas Player advice by some pseudo “g” and he was claiming he gets girls 50% of the time he is in Vegas. I am thinking to myself 50%? That’s a horrible success rate, especially in Vegas. If my success rate was that poor, I wouldn’t even expect you to read this. But you should read this because my success rate is over 100%. Beyond Undefeated. Beyond Undefeated is when you have swooped more girls than you have spent nights in a city. There are certain does and don’ts you must apply if you want to be successful. Here are some Impeccable Techniques:

Avoid Local Mystery Suite Parties

These sound good on Paper, especially when pitched to you by some 21 year old Maybelline Queen Exotic Dancer. She will tell you something like “lets go up to this suite party on the 56th floor of the Bellagio”. Yeah sounds good on paper. The reality is that you will have to mix with Local Vegas Guy (And I don’t mean Alain Ducasse’s Mix or Mix Lounge in THE HOTEL either). Avoid local Vegas guy at all costs. Especially local vegas promoter guy. These guys are really fronters, scumbags and losers. Although these guys front like they have connections in Vegas, they usually just know other low-end bottom feeder types. The reason why these guys are so bad, I think, (And I don’t give them much thought) is because Vegas is an expensive place, (for most, for me its cheap) champagne drinking limo riding and all that. Local Vegas Promoter guy has to compete with that every night or else he gets mopped up by tourist guy. And I am not a mathmetician but when local vegas promoter guy is pulling down $27,500 a year, the life style just doesn’t add up. Plus he has to go to the salon to get his hair styled and needs to buy tons of cool T-shirts with writing on them to keep up the “cool, party guy act”. And as we know, those 3rd World Sweatshop made T-shirt aren’t cheap. So what Vegas Guy has to do is cut corners. Rip people off. Not to mention a rampant drug problem. This is all a recipe for disaster. Personally, I am more interested in Galatoire’s recipe for Gumbo or Turtle Soup. It’s important to have a good Running Partner with you in these situations, that way you can kick up your Gucci Loafers, spark up a smoke with a vintage Dunhill lighter, finish off your Goose and Soda, and check the time with a Vintage 1960’s Breitling Watch (to see if your in the kill zone for Gentleman’s Clubs) while your Running Partner ads a couple of KO’s to his record “on the cobbles”.

Utilize the “Ultra-Lounges”

In Vegas they call Lounges “Ultra-Lounges”. If you ask me, it sounds pretty gay. Regardless, they are functional spots to use as early night meeting points. They are real easy to get into and are easy to find someone. Also a good place to get back up leads as fly girls usually are to be found in Ultra-Lounges.

Don’t get blinded by the Light (and I don’t mean Andrew Sasson’s Club Light either)

Avoid going to Gentlemans Club’s on Friday and Saturday Night at 11 or 12. Even when you are Untouchable like Eliot Ness. I know you got the Custom-Made suit on, hand made shoes from England, and got on the best tie in your collection. Your Bullet-proof, Hard to Kill like Steven Segal. Still, avoid the the Gentlemans club early. You Will get “Pole-Axed”, “Jelly-Fished” and/or “Blinded out”. You don’t have to be an expert in Econometric Modeling to know that Gentleman’s Clubs are all about supply and demand. When there are more girls than guys in Gentleman’s Clubs its all systems go. When there are more guys than girls in a Gentleman’s Club the system is clogged. But if your dressed sharp like a porcupine in a Custom Suit by Duncan Quinn with side vents, blood red shirt by Dior Homme with silver and black cufflinks, no tie, pocket square by Thom Browne, Custom shoes by John Lobb on St. James Street or Edward Green on Jermyn Street in exotic skins (refined decadence) you have a more than decent shot at it.

Oysters

We have mentioned this before. But don’t start any night in Vegas without Oysters. A good portfolio would be some Cotuit Oysters (Massachusetts), Netarts Bay (Oregon), and some Winterpoints (Maine). (Skip the Hamma Hamma Oysters (Washington) and the Kumamoto (Oregon), they suck.) Caviar and Florida Stone Crabs also make for a nice well rounded opening salvo. RM Mooney, Daniel Boulud’s Daniel, Alain Ducasse’s Mix, even Aquanox are all worth an early stop by.

Girls in Street Clothes

Want to pull Fly Girls out of a Gentleman’s Club in less time than it takes you to finish two Goose and Sodas? (And I drink fast). Here is how you do it: Target Girls in street clothes. They are already on their way out the spot, so half the battle is already won. Last time in Vegas I walked in (dressed impeccably of course) to a great Gentleman’s Club and 17 minutes later left with three Fly girls, destination: my suite at Wynn Resorts (in the girls defense, the spot was filled with Regular Guy, and I was wearing an Ridiculous suit by Paul Smith, my track record is flawless, and my skin had a healthy flush from the spa earlier in the day, so I could hardly blame them for wanting to leave with me). Not bad for a Wednesday night.

Side Note:

Avoid Girls with “Property of (insert Biker Gang)” Tattoos. Weather it be The Hells Angels, The Banditos, The Pagans, The Rock Machine (now merged with The Banditos), The Outlaws or The Henchmen. In fact, it’s better to avoid Gentleman’s Clubs with Biker Gangs in general. Unless of course you are trying to find distribution for a large quantity on Crystal Meth, in that case, you found the right guys. You don’t want to get in the Crossfire of a Gang War and find out how good you are at ducking wrenches. I remember one time years back in Los Angeles, I was with a local beautiful Hollywood, prototype SuicideGirl/ Nightlife Princess and the Motorcycle Club in attendance didn’t take too kindly to me. Not sure why. But I do know, if it wasn’t for my Desert Eag and a cab with perfect timing I might have not had a Magical Night.

James “Lights Out” Toney

Partying in Las Vegas, even with Entering The Dragon, will get you in pretty bad physical shape over a few day period. Don’t be Vain about it or let it get you down. James “Lights Out” Toney, became one of the Greatest Boxers of his Generation and he did it not by being in great shape. He has always said, “Boxing is not a Bodybuilding Competition” (you remember a “chubby” Tim Witherspoon knocking out the Adonis Frank Bruno for the Heavyweight title, right?). Well, “Las Vegas is not a Bodybuilding Competition either”. Vegas is a GAME competition. (Well, maybe that Rehab Sunday pool party at the Hard Rock is a Bodybuilding Competition, but I have never been. The last place I want to be in Vegas in the summer time is at the Hard Rock pool with a bunch of personal trainer Guys from Arizona with Tribal Tattoos.) James Toney made it happen by being Tough, having tons of Heart, an Iron Chin, superb Counter Punching, a will to win, and lets face it: Impeccable Technique. Be a James Toney.

The Vegas Dance

No this isn’t some dance like The BankHead Bounce, The Harlem Shake, The Young Joc Motorcycle Dance, The Patty Duke, the Wrench or the Tango. Or even dope Breakdance moves like The Turtle, The Baby, Top Rock, Brooklyn Flare, Freezes, Windmills, Suicides (And I don’t mean SuicideGirls either) Headspins or Crazy Legs ill backspin in “Beat Street”. If you are like me, come 3am in Vegas, you will have plenty of options for Girls. Especially, if you follow The Blueprint for a Perfect Night in Vegas. Hold out for your best option. The best part about Vegas is that you have more time if you need it. Behind on the Score Cards after Twelve Rounds? Well, the great thing in Vegas is there is a Round 13. Hell, in Vegas you have as many rounds as you need to win the fight! No need to get jumpy and call it a night with the Ex-Sorority Girl in town from Ohio for a Bachelorette party who gave you her number. Hold out for something with some punch to it. For instance:

Girl Plus Friend

This is one of the most important techniques to Being Beyond Undefeated. It is a high risk move. But without Risk there cannot be Reward. To be a Top G, Top Pedigree, you need to embrace Risk. That’s why I trade Futures instead of Options. Unlimited Downside, but Unlimited Upside potential as well. So you have been stick and moving all night like Zab Judah, and you got a Fly Girl meeting you back at the Parasol Up bar ready to Kostya Tszyu her. Tell her to bring a Girlfriend. Leverage your position. Dame Sizzler style. When you get back to your Suite, have an In-Room Gymnastics Competition. Remember to Score the Girls on difficulty, form, originality AND artistry. Make sure you get a couple of Nadia Comaneci’s……. The Rest is Up to You……..

Michael Porfirio Mason

AKA The Peoples Champ

AKA The Judge

The Guide to Getting More Out of Life

http://www.thegmanifesto.com

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