Cool Substance Abuse Images
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Today is the greatest…
Image by toastycakes
omglikesotrue.blogspot.com
This morning I was up early enough to catch a lil bit of the
TODAY show. Congrats again to Katie for scoring
that brass ring at CBS. I know we can count on her to ask the tough
questions… like, "What was it like making out with Jack Nicholson?
He’s a hunk!" and, "That’s delicious Al! I think i got a hint of
taragon – is it sprinkled?" But Lilo was on with Matt –
such a doll. When he asked her about substance abuse she just kinda
did the plastic thing like she was too cool for the
question, but then colourized her eating disorder as a a great lesson
for young girls – that she’s did teenage girls around the world a
favor by blowing more lines than Andy Dick (and probably more cock
too!) and getting on the Degrassi diet! A saint,
truly a saint! I love Paris because she’s confident in her luscious
ways… Lilo lives the whitetrash millionaire lifestyle
apologetically – which is a complete betrayal of the glam /
ROCKSTAR lifestyle! Fuck a role model, but more importantly fuck
a self-important bitch who thinks that by interminably hemorrhaging
cum and vodka from every orifice she’s giving a special gift to young
girls! It doesn’t count as a cautionary tale when you’re creating the
life every girl dreams of, going home with the cock de jour
in a 0,000 Brabus! I’m sorry but I’m very protective of lil girls!
Kids are smarter than we are – they know that deep throating a bottle
of 100 proof is a bad idea, they don’t need to see a frumpy
freckled slore’s morning after pictures to figure it out!
They’re able to do lunch without having to heat up their spoon over
torch first! Anorexia is not like AIDS, you can’t get it from a
toliet seat or from your gay father! You get it from your bitchy
friends who are jealous that you’ve got boobs and from their chubby
moms who spend more time at Godiva Chocolatier than at GOLDS
GYM so they live the life they never had by starving their sweet lil
girls. No, Nicole Richie did not give you anorexia, and no,
Mischa did not make you toss your cookies during recess, but
your bitchy friends and shithead mother did, and
they used the ‘tantes’ magazine covers as ammo against you… oh, and
maybe Lindsay too (Sorry guys! K, love ya, bye!). God!
It’s just so selfish! As if it weren’t self-indulgent enough to ride
a tiny dominican boy in a shower of Cristal and cocaine as he
simultaneously chokes you with silky panties and smashes a syringe
of tar into your thigh… but to elevate your actions and pretend
like they’re helpful to someone else… Ish don’t think so! Sorry…
random complaint… I’m looking at the hottest girl I’ve ever seen
standing behind the second hottest girl I’ve ever seen. one is a
Venezuelan version of Petra Nemcova, the other is holding a XXI
Forever bag and flashing her fuschia bra…. Jesus.
Influences
Image by ElDave
People talk about who has made the largest influence on their lives and they usually list people like Albert Einstein, or Ghandi, or Martin Luther King Jr. Nobody wants to admit their heroes are people like Sgt. Bilko or Secret Squirrel.
After thinking about it, I realized that these two men have had the largest impact on me. Through them, I learned self-sacrifice, honor, the perils of substance abuse, and how to carry yourself like a man. Their influence has led me to become a humanist, an environmentalist, and a whole slew of ist’s and ism’s that have ultimately made me a better and stronger person.
Not bad for a fictional character and a persona created to sell tickets.