How Can I Get Past This???

Question by New Year- same me.: How can I get past this???
Thirteen and half (yes 13 1/2) years ago, in college, my current hubby (boyfriend at the time) split up for about two weeks. During that time, an incident happened. I ended up having sex with a guy.
Here’s the thing. I invited him over (we were friends) and somehow ended up with sleeping pills in my system. The details are fuzzy. I don’t know if I would have voluntarily had sex with him had I not been drugged. So, I classify it as a rape. Charges were never pursued because he was not violent and he used a condom. Plus, my neighbors saw me invite him in.
Boyfriend and I eventually got back together- about two weeks after. I had a slight breakdown. Eventually (2 years later) I told my hubby about it. So- he knows.
The thing is, I’m mostly over it. I’ll never forget. But for some reason, every once in a while I pull it out of the past and can’t seem to let it go. Yesterday, I looked the guy up on myspace to see if he was still as scary as I’ve made him in my mind and where he was- I don’t want to run into him. I have not seen him since it happened.
My question is this: Why can’t I let it completely go? Why can’t I seem to heal completely from this. It was so long ago. I want to let it go. It bothers my husband that I can’t. And he’s told me he doesn’t want to think about it either. What can I do to finally put it in the past and let it go? Please don’t say “counseling”- it’s financially impossible- even on a reduced sliding scale fee. Any other suggestions to put this in the past once and for all?

Best answer:

Answer by Yahzmin (US)
Closing off a traumatic event when there was no formal ‘closure’ (hate that word, but it fits) is often very difficult. Since you were never able to confront your anger, guilt and other emotions about this directly, you’ve had to bury them. This means, like a wound that never healed, the scab will pop off from time to time and reopen the wound.

Without counseling (and yes, that does help), there are not many avenues open to you. One, which I would NOT recommend, would be to contact the other person involved and have it out with them. Another way that is often recommended is to write a LONG, complete letter, pouring out ALL your emotion into it. Read it once or twice — then do a ritual burning of it. This often helps folks lay such things to rest.

If you are religious, confession can actually help bring you closure on this. So can something as simple as assigning yourself some type of ‘penance’ to do, so you can forgive yourself finally.

And what it all comes down to, in the end, is just that. Once YOU can forgive YOURSELF for what happened — you will be able to let it go. It will still come back once in a while, but NOT with the emotional charge it now has and you will be able to again let it rest without dwelling on it.

What do you think? Answer below!

Drug Counseling Hotline (888) 978-4179


Drug Counseling Hotline – Looking for Drug Counseling Hotline? Call (888) 978-4179 for Drug Counseling Hotline. Available 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week! There …