Is It My Fault When My Mother and I Argue?
Question by Jeorgie: Is it my fault when my mother and I argue?
This may be more of a way to vent my feelings rather than asking for advice, but I guess we’ll see :) So my mother and I argue; and quite often at that. We both think we’re right, and it escalates from there. I’ve been told that I’m an alright child. I’m Filipino-American, 16 years old, 5’10”, and 145 pounds. I take the most rigorous classes my school has to offer (4 AP classes next year), play lacrosse all year round, am in 6 different clubs (Future Business Leaders of America, Student Government, Class Council, Best Buddies, Book Club, and hopefully National Honors Society next year), and have had ambitions since I was young to become a doctor. Being immigrants from The Philippines (those in a similar situation may understand), my parents are pretty strict ( typical ” No straight A’s? Goodbye Computer, Phone, Ps3, t.v., etc.), so I’ve been raised to respect everyone to the highest magnitude possible. With my father, the policy is: Deliver the grades=Enjoy life. But yet my mother tells me I’m a “lazy ass that won’t make it in life,” and argues/overreacts/pesters me about EVERYTHING. For example: I tend to lock my door for privacy’s sake ( Being a 16 year old male), and because people have walked in on me without knocking while I’m changing my clothes MULTIPLE times. I’ve explained this to my mother with an extremely reasonable, monotone, and inside-voice-volumed voice MULTIPLE times, yet the other day she knocks on my locked door, and when I get up to let her in, she screams up a freakin storm; and I quote, “OH, OH, OH, WHAT YOU DOING HUH? WHY YOU NEED LOCK THE DOOR, HUH? I CANNUH TRUST YOU, HUH? YOU DOING SOMETING WHEN I NO LOOKING, HUH? DRUG, MAYBE? OR MAYBE PORNOGRAPHY, MAYBE?” And before I can utter a simple response, she darts past me, slams both of our laptops shut (by the way, I’m playing Diablo 2 with my 13 year old sister, so… Not doing drugs or happily viewing pornography), and takes them away. Come on now. Honestly? How rude. Now, I understand the whole concept of ” Her house, her rules,” but she just takes it so out of reasonable boundaries! I can respect her as my mother, and I really do try, but she just does these REALLY stupid acts of utter idiocy. Whenever I try to reason with her in a respectful voice, she gets even more fired up. When I stay quiet, I get the same results. Example of what I’ve said in the past, I swear I sound like a counselor, ” Yes mom, I understand the consequences, but may I, at the very least, have a reasonable explanation for your actions?” and she just goes on about how she doesn’t need to explain because she’s the mom, then goes on about how I’m SO ungrateful for EVERYTHING. And that gets me ticked. Now let’s get one thing straight, I am EXTREMELY grateful for what I have. Both my parents are doctors, so we live stable lives under a beautiful house that protects us from the elemements. I eat like a king everyday, have a nanny that lives with us ( pretty much my adopted grandma) that cleans/cooks/does chores, have more clothes than your average kid, have an iPhone/other nifty gadgets, free rent, free everything, don’t need a job. Trust me, the last thing I am is ungrateful. I know I’m extremely lucky, but I don’t believe that gives her the right to treat me like shit. I try to reason with her, I really do, but nothing gets through. It used to be worse, when I was 13 (worst of adolescent emotions) and mom was 50ish (worst of menopause’s emotions) I’d actually raise my voice and shout back. I regret that dearly and have worked so hard to kill those habits, but it seems to have been in vain, as she still seems to be in that phase of her life, I guess? What’s more? She may have an accent, but she’s got a way with words that can twist one’s perception. When we have visitors, or we’re in public, she is an angel. The freakin best mom a kid could wish for. She’s rated by her patients as one of the kindest doctors in Maryland. It absolutely blows the capacity of my simple mind into pieces to think that a human with such a seemingly foul nature could be capable of such… delicacy. How I wish that side of her was my mother. So close… but so far away :P So when I try to complain to my closest friends and cousins, they think I’ve finally cracked. Maybe I have. Even more, my father and sister are completely whipped. In my father’s case, I can understand; my mother is some kind of succubus, but it really annoys me how my sister succumbs so easily to her, dare I even say, still puts on a mask of adoration for her even through mother’s cruel nature. It’s because my sister and I are so close, it feels like betrayal when my sister talks to my mother so fondly right after she steals her precious phone and laptop away. I cannot stand idol without a voiced opinion as this corrupted hag rules over the ro
of I sleep under. Testosterone, maybe? And so I retort, and so we argue, and so I get punished, and so I hate her with a deep passion. Just two more years of this and I’m outta here. Except, she’ll find a way. She always does. Who’s paying for college? She is. Well, shit. It disgusts me to the point where I quite literally feel nauseous to think that, according to what I’ve been told by others that have apparently gone through the EXACT same thing, when I move out everything will be better, that I will in fact… Love her more than ever, and that our relationship will heal. To think that I could love such a vile creature is unthinkable, but I guess it would be nice to not argue with her anymore. The distress she’s put me through. The childhood she’s ruined for me. I cannot imagine myself forgiving her for it. But I guess time will tell. I’ve analyzed the scenario in my head seemingly millions of times. Maybe it’s my fault? I’ve even done research. Ot
Best answer:
Answer by kraizzykasey
Wow. Maybe your mom is suffering from some sort of depression or stresses that you don’t know about? I don’t know what to tell you other than this is a temporary situation. Things will change for you. Good luck to you!
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