Painkiller Abuse: Poems! Purely Honest Criticism, Please? HoNeSt?
Question by Platypus: Poems! Purely honest criticism, please? HoNeSt?
Here are seven poems that I have written. I’ve posted some of them on here before, but I included them anyway.
=) I’d like your honest criticism, please. Feedback makes me better.
I’m 14 =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“He Left”
~
An empty stare across my face
a tear rolls down my cheek
thinking how I could erase
those words that made me weak
~
Been laying in my bed all day
hungry and deprived
my hopes and dreams have washed away
gone as if I died
~
He told me that he loved me
he’d hug me if I’d cry
and then he left me calmly
with his simple goodbye
~
I really wish I could predict
I wish that I had seen
all the pain that he’d inflict
as soon as he left me
~
Every minute was fake
every second was wrong
a mirage of a lake
a blink, and it’s gone
——————–
“Abused”
Our hearts are beating through the night
I hear them in my ears
They stutter and constrict with fright
They echo with our fears
~
Our fingertips are cold and numb
I cannot feel my toes
We’ll scramble for the smallest crumb
And yet nobody knows
~
We’re hiding in a basement
So cold, dark and wet
Our lives without replacement
All this we won’t forget
~
One day we will be free
One day we will escape
One day people will see
One day our lives will shape
——————–
“Saying Goodbye”
~
I hold your hands so lightly
to comfort all your fears
I whisper to you softly
and hope that you can hear
~
I know that you’ll be happy
wherever you will go
I know that you’ll be free
and your heart will show no woe
~
I know that you will make it
to your land of happiness
where everything that’s sacred
will fill your heart with bliss
~
I’ll remember what you told me
I’ll remember what you said
your heart is far from empty
although it’s almost dead
~
And now I say goodbye
because it’s time for you to go
but you’ll never truly die
because my heart will always know
——————–
“Whenever you cry”
~
I linger silently
unable to speak
It ended so violently
and I was too weak
~
Although I am dead
I will not go away
your hearts have long bled
but that ends today
~
It’s time to move on
It’s time now to heal
you’ve suffered too long
and that I can feel
~
Although you don’t know it
you can hear my voice
your actions will show it
you’ll make the right choice
~
So now I am free
So now I can fly
but here I will be
whenever you cry
——————–
“Their Son”
~
He cries, he wails
there’s nothing I can do
as an organ fails
my face goes greenish-blue
~
He turns towards me
his eyes so scared
I want to flee
I’m unprepared
~
I take his hand
and hold it tight
and know I can’t
erase his fright
~
I’m not his mom
I’m not his dad
but they’re long gone
his heart they stabbed
~
They just left
they ran away
while their son slept
he was betrayed
~
And now he’s sick
and now he’s crying
the seconds tick
their son is dying
~
He smiles at me
his eyes close
and I know that he
died of a broken heart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alot of people suggested that I write about happier things. I took their advice, and I tried. Here are my attempts:
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
“Flint”
~
The corners lift
white bones show
everything shifts
with a special glow
~
A muscle twitch
a painkiller
a flick of a switch
a heart stealer
~
Used to show feeling
expresses devotion
often revealing
your deepest emotions
~
Say so much
with individual glint
a silent touch
your personal flint
~
Smile.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
“Claws of the Beast”
~
Glimmering
beyond sight
shimmering
reflection of light
~
The blues bounce off the grays
and the whites off the greens
the sun’s brilliant rays
fall forever in beams
~
The claws of the beast
the horrific beauty
crave a bloody feast
move wild and freely
~
Love and hate
cold or warm
decides your fate
just a windy storm
~
The ocean.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you so much for reading, and please post some feedback.
=)
Also, I really tried for the last two, but for some reason I just don’t feel myself in them =/ I don’t know. =)
Best answer:
Answer by unwritten
It is really good, I really like the “Their son” poem, and the ones at the beginning.
Give your answer to this question below!
Painkiller Abuse: Insidermedicine In 60 – June 20, 2010 – Week in Review
From Boston – AIDS medications given to pregnant or breast-feeding women blocks HIV transmission to the child, according to a report published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Researchers studied over 700 HIV infected pregnant women, finding that antiretroviral drug combinations prevented HIV transmission to the infant 99% of the time. From Ohio – According to a report published in The Lancet Oncology, a certain type of blood pressure medication may increase risk of cancer. Researchers conducted a meta analysis covering over 60000 patients taking either angiotensin receptor blockers or a control medication. Results showed that using the ARBs increased risk of new cancers by up to 11% , while raising risk of lung cancer by 25%. And finally, from Atlanta – A new report released by the CDC urges immediate action regarding recent increase in painkiller abuse. Researchers found that emergency department visits for painkiller abuse rose by 111% from 2004 to 2008. The authors suggest that this increase has put added strain on the health care system, so much so that hospitalizations for abuse now equal hospitalizations for illicit drugs.
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