Relative With Disorganized Schizophrenia and a Drug Problem.. Need Advice?

Question by ammazammariffic: Relative with disorganized schizophrenia and a drug problem.. need advice?
Okay, this is a younger brother.
His whole life he has seemed troubled. Never did well in school.. never wanted to. At a young age (17ish) fell in hard with drugs. He only held one job for 3 months (at 18). Problems got way worse. He couldnt follow sentences and withdrew entirely. He also got into trouble with the law. We sent him to rehab (at age 19): symptoms persisted… turned out he also has disorganized schizophrenia.
He has been home 1 year. He is under good medical care (as good as it gets, but his problems persist). The main problem is.. he is perfectly OK doing nothing. Doesnt want a job, doesnt want to attend college. His aim is to be dependent on family forever. He actually said this out loud “relatives will take care of me”. Oh yeah.. he still gets high even though the parents threaten drug tests. There are never any consequences because there is a need to take care of a mentally ill family member.
I know not wanting to do anything a symptom.. but he has always been spoiled and a slacker (way way way before onset). The parents only enable him, always have.. they wish to not upset him and hurt his mental state.
Any advice on what to do? he is 21 now. I fear the day he is 30, maybe wants to get his life together, and cannot because he has NO work history. I fear the day the parents arent there anymore and its on ME.

Best answer:

Answer by Too Curious
Oh, this sounds familar, I have a sibling-in-law with a similar problem.

#1-Tell your parent you will NOT be there to “take care” of him. They might think it wrong, but point out he would need round the clock attendance, because he is only growing worse, (no drive to change/drug use),
Tell them you cannot and will not enable him.
#2-Tell him this too. Let him know now, so he has the opportunity to change while under their care, or to get medicare assistance. They also need to assign someone in their will to tend to his needs if they plan to take care of him, (not you). Face it, even if you agreed, he would still have the problem of needing someone in case something happens to you.
#3-This is the hard part. They can’t change him. You can’t change him. Only he can change him. If he won’t work to improve himself, he is in a self-descruct mode, isn’t he? Also you can’t change your parents, can you? So they will take care of him because that is what parents do, They should not expect you to do what they do.
#4-Focus on yourself. Plan your career, some people lead by example. If he sees you pursuing a career, enjoying life and it’s diversity, and changing to become an adult. To be honest, it might be that he will be still home in his 50s and they will still take care of them into their 80s.
Good luck. It is hard to see this, I personally know.But sometimes trying to “help” can make people mske the other choice,

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