Summit Malibu Says the Holidays Are the Best Time to Approach the “White Elephant” in the Room

Published December 21, 2010

Summit Malibu Says the Holidays are the Best Time to Approach the “White Elephant” in the Room

Malibu, CA (PRWEB) December 14, 2010

Everybody at one time or another has experienced the “white elephant” in the room. This is the friend, family member or relative that drinks too much, appears spaced out, exhibits mood swings, appears agitated, and generally speaks and acts inappropriately at family functions. But, since it is the holidays, you ignore it, deny that there is a problem, or simply tolerate it and complain later about the wrecking ball that annually disrupts the holidays.

But, keep in mind that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports an increase in traffic fatalities during the holidays. Although most accidents that result in fatalities are alcohol related, the NHTSA also reported that 1 in 5 drivers who were killed in 2009 tested positive for drugs. This figure could be even greater since not every state tests for drugs.

“It is not just impaired driving that you should be concerned about says Oswald. It is much easier to overdose when mixing any form of drug and alcohol together.” In 2009, Centers for Disease Control and Preventions stated that prescription drugs actually account for more overdose deaths than illegal drugs.

Oswald also says that “the white elephant can be obvious like your son returning home from college with a drinking problem or grandma who is sipping a little too much sherry with no regard for the oxycodone she is taking for her chronic pain.”

Tony Bevacqua who is a consultant to Summit Malibu states that, “ The holidays have always been socially and culturally acceptable times to overindulge, but, for many, it is also a time of strained personal relationships, financial hardship, and not enough rest which contributes to stress and depression.” Bevacqua goes on to say that, “stress and depression increase the need to self medicate under the socially accepted guise of the celebratory nature of the holidays.”

Oswald suggests a few things to consider if you are a parent, spouse or friend. First, understand that the behavior will never cease until it is addressed. Rather than discuss Uncle Bob’s inappropriate behavior every year, break the pattern. It does not mean you need to be confrontational, just honest and direct. Acknowledge the white elephant. Second, seek out professional help from a therapist that understands addictive behavior or perhaps an interventionist. In this way, it allows the parent to be proactive without worrying about how they will personally handle the situation. Third, call a free hotline. Information is always of great support when dealing with pressing concerns in the moment. Oswald suggests that families do a disservice to their loved ones when they are not addressing the issues openly even when the distressed person is resistant and resentful towards them because the problem behavior is a red flag signaling that they are in need of help.

Bevacqua also states that, “It is simply not accurate to rationalize inappropriate behavior through biological reductionism. Where alcoholism runs in families and will be viewed as a genetic predisposition, you will more often than not find a family with poor coping skills, poor communications skills and rigid personalities. You will find parents who were too authoritarian or too permissive. Therefore, individual vulnerabilities are also cultural, social, psychological and behavioral as well.”

Bevacqua says that there is a level of emotional immaturity which contributes to the person’s need for addictive behavior as an easily accessible “new” relationship that helps numb their psychological and emotional pain and distress. “The paradox is that the person that is abusing or becoming dependent on drugs and alcohol which can be correlated to early childhood development and family dysfunction, continues to seek love and approval from the very sources that contribute to their problems. During the holidays the family becomes more idealized. Yet, they also contribute to maintaining the distressed individual’s underlying issues.”

Oswald concludes, “Taking action during the holidays may seem counterintuitive, but, it really is the best time to acknowledge the “white elephant” in the room. You could be saving their lives or saving them from a DUI.” It seems for Oswald there is no better or more loving gift than saving someone that is struggling with addiction or alcohol abuse… especially during the holidays.

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