What to Do With a Rude, Alcoholic, Mother in-Law?

Question by Jessica: What to do with a rude, alcoholic, mother in-law?
To make a very, very long story as short as I can..

My husband and I lived with my mother in-law for about 2 months. I had only met her once before moving down to live with her. One night her and her friend were out back drinking and she decided to come in and wake my husband and I up as if something were wrong “guys come out here i need your help” we knew her and her friend were drunk so my husband told her to hold on and we’d be out.

We walked out on the porch and my husband asked what she wanted.. she responded “well if u dont know what i want then f**k u and the horse u rode in on” i could tell my husband was embarrassed because i have certainly didn’t know this side of her.

There was already tension between her friend and I because earlier that evening i caught her grabbing my dog by his collar and hitting him twice bc he took my mother in-laws dog’s toy. Now lets make things clear.. I do not in any way hit my dogs and to see some1 else do so had my blood boiling. So I called my dog over to me and told her to keep her hands off my dogs bc he wasnt hurting nething or ne1.

Well my husband and I turned around to walk back in the house when we overheard her friend say “get that little b*tch over here so we can have a talk with her” we ignore it and go back inside.

Well the night wasnt over yet.. my mother in-law banged on our door and said “hurry, *her friend* fell i need u to help me get her to bed” .. well to our suprise, when we got out there every1 was fine. Her friend decided to start a convo by saying “listen here u little brat, you don’t want to mess with us, you’re in our territory now” well my husband told her to shut up, grow up, and go to bed.. well my mother in-law gets up and pushes my husband up against the wall repeatedly.

I didn’t know what to do in the situation.. i wanted to rip her off of him, but thats not how I was raised.. so i just stood there and screamed “STOP IT” while crying like a baby.. my husband eventually got away and we ran inside to start packing our bags. Long story short we ended up staying with his sisters for a few nights until things blew over.. and no1 ever spoke of the night since

One night her husband and her were gone when my husband and I got home from dinner. We got a phone call around 11:30 from the owner of a tavern.. my mother in-law got so trashed that the owners called us to get her out of there asap! When we arrived the cook and the owner CARRIED her out to the car.

Another thing is the way she is with my dogs. When we visit her home everyone spends their time outside. When we eat I ask everyone to not feed my dogs table scraps due to one of my dogs having a sensitive stomach. Everyone seems to understand this besides my mother in-law.. my husband and i have caught and told her not to do it numerous times.

There have been so many more situations similar to this. Is this woman trying to make my life hell?!? Why does she go against things I say?! We live about 3 hours from her, but we visit about once every month or so bc my brother in-law and other sister in-law and nephews live in the area too, but they dont have the extra room for us to stay there when we visit.

I have already confronted her on how she makes me feel, but she just says she’ll try to make things better and she doesn’t. Its hard because I’m so far away from my family and the only people I have to talk to is my sis in-law and my husband. I don’t like talking poorly about their mother to them so I keep it bottled inside.

I’m at the end of my rope! I’d do anything to have peace with her, but its like she doesn’t want it to happen. My husband is deploying soon and we are expecting a baby next year. What should I do?!

I tried making this shorter, but didn’t suceed. Thanks to those who took the time to read this novel :)
Just to let you know “stormy” my mother in-law and her husband welcomed US to stay in their home until our house was ready. She was the one who called my husband to tell him she would love for us to move down early so I could get used to the city. Also, I’m not the type of person to “drag” my animals from place to place unwelcomed. I call and ask everytime if its okay before we come down. I’m suprised to see such a an answer from someone who runs a zoo in their home.. is that why YOU are so strung out? Are YOU this rude to everyone? And incase you didn’t know, telling someone how you feel is the RIGHT thing to do.

Best answer:

Answer by Tracy M
I think you should not bother to visit anymore. Your husband can go if he wants but no reason you should put yourself in that situation. If she is an alcoholic you will not be able to predict how she will be when you are around. She clearly needs to stop drinking but she has to be the one to decide that on her own. Perhaps your husband and his sibling can sit down with their mom and express their concern and see if she will seek help for her drinking. Until she does just stay away.

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